just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
