i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
