Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
