and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
