oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont even know how to be here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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