This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
