that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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