Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This house was built for laser tag.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
