omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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