Dual....:-)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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