You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize