I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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