Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
