"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
