Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Everything about him screamed your future.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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