I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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