is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize