I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
