Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize