even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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