Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
