Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
