maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
