My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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