Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
