apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize