I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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