before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
