I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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