Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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