Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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