Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
