Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
