stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
