Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
