Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
