he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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