In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
