what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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