Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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