p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
