drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize