I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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