this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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