I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You dont lie about slip and slides
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
