you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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