3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
