you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
