you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize