Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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