hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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