i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
