I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
