I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
