2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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